Best Collection of Bob Newhart Quotes

Bob Newhart, American Comedian ( September 5, 1929 - )

Search our database for specific quotes/topics. Type in your phrase or keyword


I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time!~Bob Newhart

Wife Time Morning

I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try.~Bob Newhart

Life My Life Rest

With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it's getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone.~Bob Newhart

Small People Cell Phone

I don't know how doctors pick one specialty over another. Some you can understand. Pediatricians. Or gynecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology?~Bob Newhart

Life Love World

People have told me, 'My dad passed on, but I have great memories of watching your shows with him.' It doesn't get any better than that.~Bob Newhart

Memories Dad Great

The acting is better when you know your material is being judged.~Bob Newhart

Acting Better You

Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, I believe at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, 'You really aren't cut out for accounting.'~Bob Newhart

Life Best Believe

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.~Bob Newhart

Marriage Grandchildren You

I was never a Certified Public Accountant... I just had a degree in accounting. The reason I was never a Certified Public Accountant was because it would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.~Bob Newhart

Accounting Reason Test

I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.~Bob Newhart

Work Learn You

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.~Bob Newhart

Music People Down

I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant.~Bob Newhart

Speed Lose Accountant

Don Rickles and I are best friends. I know that might seem strange to those who know Don only by reputation, but somebody has to be his friend. Just to make sure I don't forget, Don gave me a doormat that sits just outside the front door of my house. It reads: 'The Newharts: The Rickleses Best Friends.'~Bob Newhart

Best Friends Door

I think the thing about it is when you grow up in Chicago there's such a thing as putting on airs, you know? And you just learn not to put on airs. Don't act like, 'Oh boy, I'm somebody.' They'll slap you down.~Bob Newhart

Learn Grow Up You

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour.~Bob Newhart

Survive Way Sense

People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.~Bob Newhart

Success Humor Humble

Don't live in the past. There's no point. You can't change anything. What a waste of time.~Bob Newhart

Change Time Past

I've had time off, and it drove me nuts. I was crawling up the wall.~Bob Newhart

Time Me Up

I just don't think most people put myself and Robert Frost in the same category.~Bob Newhart

Myself People Think

If 'The New York Times' says it, it must be true.~Bob Newhart

Be True True New

When I first started out, 'Time' magazine did an article on what it called 'the sick comics,' and they were myself, Shelley Berman, Nichols & May, Jonathan Winters, Lenny Bruce, and Mort Sahl. We were considered 'sick.'~Bob Newhart

Time Myself May

I have an aversion to laugh tracks - the moment I hear a laugh track, I go to another channel.~Bob Newhart

Moment Laugh Go

If you look at Jack Benny, George Burns, or Don Rickles, they've all had long, successful marriages. So, I think there's something about laughter and the durability of a marriage.~Bob Newhart

Marriage Laughter Long

Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century.~Bob Newhart

Life Insight Turn

It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.~Bob Newhart

People Walk Short

I don't want to sound like the old guy, but cynicism is a potential danger. It colors our way of looking at the world.~Bob Newhart

World Colors Looking