Best Collection of Bill Maher Quotes

Bill Maher, American Comedian ( January 20, 1956 - )

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Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'~Bill Maher

Death God Suicide

Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.~Bill Maher

Time Freedom Politics

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.~Bill Maher

Week People Smoking

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.~Bill Maher

Truth Patriotism Friends

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.~Bill Maher

People Free Sheep

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.~Bill Maher

Women Men Start

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.~Bill Maher

Country Conservative Right

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.~Bill Maher

Great You Think

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.~Bill Maher

Religion Flying Building

Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.~Bill Maher

Religion Think Human

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.~Bill Maher

Religion Thinking People

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.~Bill Maher

God Religion Man

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?~Bill Maher

God Ego Problem

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.~Bill Maher

Funny Sin Everything

It's all been satirized for your protection.~Bill Maher

Protection Been Your

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.~Bill Maher

Rights Bill Of Rights Need

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?~Bill Maher

Home You Him

Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.~Bill Maher

White Class House

Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'~Bill Maher

Said Same Now

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.~Bill Maher

Cake Law People

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.~Bill Maher

Building Want You

Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.~Bill Maher

Book Violence Reality

If you think you have it tough, read history books.~Bill Maher

History Tough You

Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.~Bill Maher

People Interesting Curious

The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.~Bill Maher

Hate People Black

If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest.~Bill Maher

Religion Ignorance