Best Collection of Bill Engvall Quotes

Bill Engvall, American Comedian ( July 27, 1957 - )

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If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice guy and treat people right, good things happen.~Bill Engvall

Good People Walk

It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.~Bill Engvall

Funny People Me

I hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that just say, 'I'm stupid.'~Bill Engvall

Hate People Stupid

I'd like to see the Amazon rainforests before they're all gone, and also the Galapagos - that's another one I'd like to do. I'd love to go diving in those areas. Basically, places, like, that are kind of going away, and I'd like to see them before they all become condos and high-rises.~Bill Engvall

Love Go Places

A lot of times you go to a concert, and when you leave, you don't know anything more about the act then when you got there.~Bill Engvall

You Know Go

I was doing a bit that stupid people should be slapped. But the more I did it, the more I didn't like that connotation, the violence and all that. The more I thought about it, I thought they should just wear signs. And, man, it just took off.~Bill Engvall

Man Violence People

I came out of the mall one day, and a guy was standing there with a coat hanger in his window, and I couldn't stop myself. I asked the stupid question. 'You lock your keys in the car?' 'Nope, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry.'~Bill Engvall

Myself Day Car

I love to laugh, and laughter is one of my favorite things. When you have a really good laugh, you feel great afterwards.~Bill Engvall

Love Good Laughter

There's a lot of things I believe in this world. I believe in God, I believe in the United States of America, and I support and believe in the Second Amendment.~Bill Engvall

God Support World

If you lived next door to me and didn't know what I did, you wouldn't know I was a celebrity. I don't have that lifestyle, nor do I want that lifestyle. I want to know that I can have a separate life with my wife and my kids and just be normal and go camping and fishing and outdoor stuff.~Bill Engvall

Life Wife Fishing

There's a reason God didn't give me this success in my 20s, because I'd have blown it.~Bill Engvall

Success God Me

I don't do politics, I don't do religion, I don't do ethnic jokes.~Bill Engvall

Religion Politics Ethnic

I haven't been really nervous about a gig in a long time.~Bill Engvall

Time Long Nervous

It's fun being Bill Engvall.~Bill Engvall

Fun Being Bill

Left to my own vices, all I would own is a Corvette, and it would be broken down.~Bill Engvall

Broken Down My Own

Europe has such an expansive history.~Bill Engvall

History Europe Expansive

I travel fairly lightly because you have to these days. I always take a laptop and an iPod so I can watch movies and listen to music. And my Gameboy. That's a good time-killer.~Bill Engvall

Music Travel Good

When I drove up on the set one day, and they'd put up a sign that says 'The Bill Engvall Show,' I stood there for 20 minutes just staring at it. The director, James Widdoes, came up and said, 'What are you doing?' And I said, 'Look at this! There's my name on a stage door in Hollywood!'~Bill Engvall

Day Door Doing

If you watch the 'Blue Collar Tour,' I was probably the least redneck of everybody.~Bill Engvall

Blue You Redneck

My goal is for 'The Bill Engvall Show' to be a show the networks look at and say, 'Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.'~Bill Engvall

Family Goal Look

You know as well as I do that the family sitcom was the stalwart of TV for God knows how many decades.~Bill Engvall

Family God You

People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'~Bill Engvall

People Trying Want

I'm a blue collar guy.~Bill Engvall

Blue Guy Collar

I always wanted to be an actor. I always wanted to be John Wayne.~Bill Engvall

Actor Always John

When 'Blue Collar TV' was on the 'WB,' we were their second-highest rated show, but they didn't know what to do with us. They had 'Reba,' which was number one, and we were number two, and they didn't want to be known as the hayseed network, so they kind of dropped us, even though we were pulling great numbers.~Bill Engvall

Great Blue Want

I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair.~Bill Engvall

Hair Doing Sound