Best Collection of Aziz Ansari Quotes

Aziz Ansari, American Comedian ( February 23, 1983 - )

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When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I'm obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing.~Aziz Ansari

Food Amazing Weird

Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.~Aziz Ansari

Time Myself People

I don't think you can describe your ideal girl. A big part of that is just meeting someone and really clicking with them and wanting to hang out with them all of the time.~Aziz Ansari

Time Girl Meeting

A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.~Aziz Ansari

Age People Stand

After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times, and then one night it'll flop.~Aziz Ansari

Night You Know

Other than friends and family, my favorite things are New York and stand-up. I love doing comedy in New York - I can do way more stand-up here than in Los Angeles.~Aziz Ansari

Love Family Friends

You go to any Jay-Z concert, and he plays his hits. Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on. It's the hardest thing.~Aziz Ansari

You Go Concert

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.~Aziz Ansari

Dreams Your Dreams

One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it's Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack.~Aziz Ansari

Friends Place Burger

I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.~Aziz Ansari

Love Myself Optimist

I'm always down to try a new burger, but Shake Shack is still my top. What makes them so special is for the bread they use Martin's potato rolls which is just the best hamburger buns ever.~Aziz Ansari

Best Special Down

I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.~Aziz Ansari

Food Comedy Kind

Even in my stand-up, there's a lot more positivity and enthusiasm rather than negative, I-hate-everything vibes.~Aziz Ansari

Negative Enthusiasm Vibes

With stand-up, I can have an idea, go down the street to a comedy club and work on it, flesh it out, book a venue, people will come, then film it. I do all that myself; I never have to answer to anybody.~Aziz Ansari

Work Myself Book

Every single person, pretty much, is taught what they're supposed to do: go to school, get a job, find someone to love, get married, have kids, raise the kids, and then die. Nobody questions that. What if you want to do something different?~Aziz Ansari

Love School Job

Being a rapper is about being cool, but being a comedian, you're not supposed to be the coolest guy.~Aziz Ansari

Cool You Rapper

Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.~Aziz Ansari

Comedy Profession Stand-Up

I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.~Aziz Ansari

Travel Food Good

I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen.~Aziz Ansari

Brand Suits Band

What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up.~Aziz Ansari

Cool You Random

The whole idea of love is scary - so is being with someone for the rest of your life and being happy with them for the rest of your life. There's lots of research to suggest that, actually, love's not really that simple.~Aziz Ansari

Life Love Happy

I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with or work with. That's such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.~Aziz Ansari

Work Time School

After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it'll flop. And that's when I really take a hard look at myself and say: 'Well, that crowd is obviously wrong. That crowd has absolutely no idea what it's talking about.'~Aziz Ansari

Myself Night Look

For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.~Aziz Ansari

Time May White

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.~Aziz Ansari

Time Humor Hate

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.~Aziz Ansari

Fun Places Cook