Best Collection of Andy Rooney Quotes

Andy Rooney, American Journalist ( January 14, 1919 - November 4, 2011 )

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Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.~Andy Rooney

Teacher End People

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.~Andy Rooney

Sad Blessed Moment

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.~Andy Rooney

Chance You Probability

A writer's job is to tell the truth.~Andy Rooney

Truth Job Tell

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.~Andy Rooney

Time Food Cooking

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.~Andy Rooney

Men Law Equal

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.~Andy Rooney

Time May Computers

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.~Andy Rooney

Time Eyes Game

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.~Andy Rooney

Day World Living

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.~Andy Rooney

Smile You Mean

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.~Andy Rooney

People Workers Need

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.~Andy Rooney

Hope Money Government

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.~Andy Rooney

Dog Pet Average

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.~Andy Rooney

Truth People Believe

We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.~Andy Rooney

Mistakes Proud Feeling

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.~Andy Rooney

Computers Done Most

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.~Andy Rooney

People Important Rich

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.~Andy Rooney

Purpose You Lucky

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.~Andy Rooney

Good Nothing News

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.~Andy Rooney

Fun Talk Dogs

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.~Andy Rooney

Technology Purpose America

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.~Andy Rooney

Smart People Want

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.~Andy Rooney

Hands Working Head

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.~Andy Rooney

Meaning Old Vegetarian

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?~Andy Rooney

Government Me Help

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.~Andy Rooney

Time Great Game